Rant - Osama BendOver

Ok Eric,

Let's analyze your Ballwasherdom...we'll begin with your opening statement...

> WHAAAAAAAAT !!! Yes sir I am a ball washer, a newbie at best, since last year was my 1st season.

Yes, you must be a newbie. "Ballwasher" is ONE WORD, not two. Get it right. And if this attitude continues, last year may be your last season also! Let's move onto your next demonstration of awareness...

> What type of information would you like ?

Hmmm, gee, I don't know, maybe the EMAIL & PHONE INFO I've been asking for all FRIGGIN WEEK!! DUH! Ok, let's move on...

> I can inform you that I broke 2 drivers last season (back to back).

OK, get this straight, Eric. We don't need no BROKEBACK BALLWASHER HOMO action in this league! Continuing with your next statement...

> I like to drink Gin (moonshine works too).

This is the first thing you've said that makes any sense to me so far in your whole stupid email. Keep up the good work!

> I use golf balls that are non-tour compliant since i need every edge i can get.

Like that's going to help. Ben Wa balls are ALSO non-tour compliant, but I bet you already knew that, too!

> If I get a hole in 1 this season I will swim in the pond on the 9th hole.

We already thought you were waiting for that as a reason to bathe!

> My balls are dirty. I'll be there tomorrow night for a washing....

No REAL Ballwasher has dirty balls...ever. And don't even think you're going to be washing them anywhere near me tomorrow night.

> Oh and D. Brittan is my mutha @##ing hero.

Get your hero's name right, it's Dave Britten. And I doubt he's your hero. I bet he doesn't even know you. If he WAS your hero you would've ordered a shirt like he and basically ALL of the other SIXTY past & present BALLWASHERS did! But Noooooooo! Then your concluding statement...

> I'm not ordering one. Sorry homeboy!

Look, Osama Bendover, or whatever your friggin name is, everyone knows me as Nort, but you can call me Mr. Norton. I just want you to know that every other Ballwasher in existence, both in Saratoga and at the Final Outing in Old Forge, will have one of these shirts except you, and we are going to laugh our asses off seeing you in some non-Ballwasher state of attire, like our retarded little brother.

You are now officially ineligible to order a shirt. The only way you can order one is if you let your "mutha @##ing hero" rest his nut-sack on your forehead in front of all the Ballwashers tomorrow night, May 4, while we take a picture.

Nort