Rant - Kiwi the PissBoy

Hi Mark,

You've provided some interesting historical facts, but this falls way short of even a luke-warm "endorsement" of Grant Lavery.

I mean...OK...you said Grant WAS a Ballwasher, which clearly puts that in the PAST TENSE! It's important to recall that what we want are people who ARE Ballwashers, not people who WERE Ballwashers. Now that you tell me he's from New Zealand it all makes sense to me. The puzzle pieces have now fallen into place, and I'll explain farther down.

You mention that he works with you at Black River. I guess I didn't know the "Piss Boy" position was still in use these days!

Then you say he's "subbed" for the last two years or so. I guess this would make Grant a "sub-Ballwasher" which, therefore, means he is BELOW Ballwasher worthiness. I want to be clear when I say that this sounds like a hopeless cause based on what you've just explained, but maybe there's hope?....

For instance, does Grant (let's call him "the Kiwi"), uphold our sacred Ballwasher beliefs and values? Has he ever been asked (or told) to leave a bar or restaurant? Has he ever offended random, innocent people? Does his mere presence (or odor) make children cry? Has he ever soiled his trousers for the mere sport of it? A "YES" to any of these questions would justify reconsideration of his worth, but I remain doubtful.

And another thing...

I've personally met a fair number of Aussies and Kiwis and, by far, I favor the Aussies because they are the better footie players and are unquestionably real men. You can tell Grant that real men actually use their email to respond to other Ballwashers, especially founding Ballwashers, yet the Kiwi is one of the few Ballwasher wannabes who has never had the manly resolve to respond to anything I've sent.

And as you know....I've sent PLENTY!

Generally speaking, the only way a Kiwi can hope to become a man is by learning how it's done by an Aussie. EACH AND EVERY Aussie I've ever met would qualify as a Ballwasher role model, with no exceptions. By comparison, Kiwi's celebrate being diaper-trained when they turn 25! You can ALSO tell Grant that the Kiwi Footie teams are full of raging homos that will never beat the Aussie teams! They shouldn't even be allowed to participate in the AFL. Note that it's AUSTRALIAN Rules Football, not some sissie "Kiwi Rules Football". I laugh when I see the pathetic performances turned in by the likes of Wellington, Auckland, Canterbury and Waikato. They're all a bunch of sissies, like most of the rabble I've seen come out of New Zealand. Grant appears to be just another example of the human detritus that represents the general Kiwi population.

Nobody, not even you, Mark, has suggested that Grant IS a Ballwasher. Screw him, he's not worth your time or anyone else's.

Have a Great Day!

Nort